i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
