Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
