so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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