you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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