i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
