So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
