why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
