I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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