were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
