Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
