What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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