I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
