Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
