i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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