i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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