apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
