She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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