I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
