The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
