no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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