woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
