carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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