i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
