Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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