Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
