This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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