i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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