Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
