did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
