her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
