Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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