Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
