So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
