We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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