I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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