So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
