I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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