I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
