sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
