I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Porn is love you can see.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
