how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
