lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
