if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
