I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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