She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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