Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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