im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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