I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
