She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
