Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
