after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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