We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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