don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
