so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
