Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it was like his penis was on wheels.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
