your parents love me but you hate me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
