Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
