i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
