So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
